Let me tell you a secret, I've been counting down this day since December 2nd 2014. There you go that's the secret. *Imagines your laughter*
From April 2014, my life changed. How? Because you fell sick. In my entire life of living, Never did I hear about you being sick to the point where you had to end up in the hospital. I'll admit, I was scared from that day forward. As I learnt about your condition and the improvements as time went by I had hope that well 2015 you'd be ringing the New Year as we usually do.
I moved to the United States in August 2014, for college. You were so happy to see me go off and wished that you came on the journey to Virginia with me. I promised you that I'd visit every month; once we had time off and made a promise to you that upon my return for thanksgiving/ winter break that I'd sleep with you.
I recall getting ready to go to the last party of the semester in November when my mom called me and told me how bad you really was. I'll admit that they say big girls don't cry but I did. I cried for an hour plus. And all I could think of was finishing my finals to come see you. The day I saw you I was so happy. To hold your hands, see your smile. But I never knew that would be the last week I would be able to spend with you.
As your sickness became worse and I visited you each day during the last week, I realized that indeed you were going. That it was our last time together in this world. But I did not accept it. Why not? Because to me you were a fighter. December 1 2014 changed my life forever. In ways that only God knows and can explain. Honestly, when I came back to school in the Spring, I kept to my self. I fell into this tiny depressed mood. Until Lenaye spoke to me and woke me up. It's a year today and honestly I wished that it wasn't. I watch your booklet almost everyday. And I listen to 'I Was Here' or 'Yesterday' because those were the songs we selected for you.
Sometimes I wish you were here with me physically to see the young lady that I am on the road to becoming. At times it's depressing when I think about you and I break down and start to cry. But deep inside I know that you're here with me spiritually. Mama, I miss you more & more everyday. I promise that I will make you proud as I planned from the beginning.
Death, is such a gruesome emotion. And I honestly hate it. There was a million and one other people that God could have taken but instead he selected you. He knows best they say, so I won't question him.
Sleep on my angel.
I Love You Forever & Always Will
No comments:
Post a Comment